Mac and I are sitting in the SLC airport right now, waiting for our connection to Tucson. Mac is reading a People Magazine (we just traded so I could use the computer). I always like to buy a People Mag when I'm traveling. I picked up the habit from my sister Aimee. It's the only time I do buy the magazine, and it's fun to immerse myself in pop culture every once in a while. It's amazing what you can learn about people I will never personally know, yet somehow I still care. Like, for example, Mel Gibson, who is getting a divorce. That news made me so sad! And, did you know, that Tori Spelling is NOT aneorxic? Right after she had her latest baby, Dean (her husband) told her she was beautiful. So why would she be aneorexic?
The People Magazine is fun to read, but it's really a distraction from what could take over my mind at any moment and make my vacation less enjoyable, and that is the thought of my three babies with someone else taking care of them for FOUR WHOLE DAYS! Ironically, I really look forward to getting away from the kids at any chance I get. I think it's healthy, rejuvenating, and necessary for my individuality and my marriage to take these "breaks" - until I actually do take these breaks, and then I realize that there really aren't any true breaks from motherhood. That's right - once you become a mother, you can't ever go back. Here I am thinking about my kids, especially my baby, wondering if they'll be good for those watching them, if they'll miss me, if they'll get sad or get hurt feelings, when I should be thinking about where we're going to go out to eat, or if I'll be able to beat Mac in tennis, or something else fun that we'll get to do on this trip that we don't get to do at home.
I'm looking forward to this trip, but I miss my girls. I took this trip to "get away" and relax. I'm sure that this trip will accomplish that, but I'm also sure that it will have a second, unintended consequence: When I return, I'll smile and hold my kids a little longer. I'll be a little nicer, a little more patient, and a little more fun as a mom. At least for a little while. Life has a way of returning to normalcy pretty quickly, but I'll cherish this time away, and the time when I first get back and I am the kind of mom I wish I always could be.